I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
