Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
