I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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