11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i will never coherently bang her
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
