worst night to have a conscience
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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