just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
