i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
