I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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