"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
