Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
false alarm. still invincible.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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