All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
ttyl tear gas
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
