my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
