she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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