I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
