There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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