Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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