i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
