..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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