I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm going to jail i love you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
