I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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