Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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