your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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