you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Terrible idea I love it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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