i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
