I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
