There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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