and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I will be naked everywhere
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
