If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
