Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
