I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
