you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
