I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
