I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
