I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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