You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
