Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
