I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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