Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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