Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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