It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
