Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
