I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
