I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
