I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
