So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
