My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
