My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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