I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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