What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
