Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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