You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
