You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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