I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
