What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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