so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
