have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
