Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
zippers are such a cool invention
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
