i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
