I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
