Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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