there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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