There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
