saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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