My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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