i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
