Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
