were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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